Sometime in the overnight last night I had an “ah ha” moment. It all started when I was triggered by a comment from someone whom I love very much. The comment brought up all of the struggles I have had for the past couple of years with another loved one who abruptly cut me out of her life in 2021 without explanation. (That relationship has been fodder for much soul searching, and resultingly a couple other blogs that I have shared over the past couple of years…. the healing is still very much a work in progress.)
Anyway, the comment last night itself was actually presented very thoughtfully, since this person is well aware of what I have been going through. But in her thoughtfulness, I felt the contrast with “normalcy” – the way the comment could have and would have been presented if we were not dealing with the pain from the person who ghosted me – what it would be like in a “normal” world. But the fact is, for the past two years our lives have been anything but normal, and there is not a thing I can do about it until and unless the other side reaches out to restore harmony.
Sorry… I digress… back to my “ah ha” moment…
My hubby indulged me a few minutes of venting, without judging me or interjecting or trying to solve it for me. How non-Mars of him!! He must have sensed that I really needed to get something out! (Note to self – thank him for that when he gets home today. It’s always good to reinforce supportive and helpful energy.)
The venting actually took me further down my rabbit hole. But that is exactly where I needed to go. I had an opportunity to dig deep once I was in the stillness of my self-talk, because this was about much more than the one comment or the current situation. Why was I so hurt and frustrated by something so well-meaning?
Let me take you through some of my soul-searching inner rant. Some of the comments included:
“Why am I always the one that needs to help everyone?”
which led to “I am only valued when I am doing for others”.
Then I remembered that I LOVE doing things for others! I have often told people that “I don’t sit still well”. If there is something that needs to be done at a gathering, I will be up and be doing it rather than enjoying the gathering. So really, I love that part of me that is valued for WHAT I DO for others. Always have. But what about THE REST OF ME?
And then the nut started to crack with this line of self-talk:
“I only value me when I am doing for others,”
which led to “I do not value me”.
I then realized that, up until now I have been carrying that believe for decades. Possibly my whole life. I recalled situation after situation where this core belief was at the heart of my thoughts, words or actions.
I tried to curb it with
“I know my clients, family and friends appreciate what I do for them,”
and “I do value my compassion, my intelligence, my service to others.”
But none of that was about me and my intrinsic value. It was still about finding my value extrinsically.
I kept saying that to myself over and over “I don’t value me; I don’t value me…” as if THAT would be helpful. NOT HELPFUL!!
What would I tell my clients in this case? OUR WORDS MATTER!!!
Time to shift gears
It took me a while to find a path to meaningful words that I could say to myself that I actually believed.
First, I reminded myself of something that is the opening of my standard prayer of protection:
“I am a being of love and light”.
And also reminded myself of something that I have learned through my years of Integrated Energy Therapy® training and practice, paraphrasing a message from Angel Ariel:
We are all beings made of love, living within a universe created of love, consisting of only love, but somehow we create a human experience devoid of love.
These remembrances were sooo helpful to me in the moment, somewhere in the wee hours last night, and helped me get some sleep. (Thank you Angel Ariel!)
Where this brought me
Yes, I am love, just as you are love.
I love me – heck I even LIKE me (most of the time)!
And yes, it is important that I value me and my vibration for the good of our global vibration, but also it is important that I value my vibration just for the sheer joy of it.
Drum roll please..... I VALUE ME!!
At this point, it can become less important to me what value others affix to me. After all, we do have free will! I remember a comment from Deepak Chopra to the effect of this:
We choose how other’s words impact us – we can choose to be offended by their harsh words, and we can choose to be flattered by their kind words, but in the end, they are just words.
What about you?
Please… look in the mirror right now, and say to yourself “I VALUE ME”.
If it brings up warm fuzzies for you, then wonderful – you are already there.
But if it brings up any uneasiness for you, take the time for a little soul searching. Remember that no matter what, YOU are a being of Love and Light, and as such you are VALUED just for existing. Let that vibration spiral up, and enjoy!!
I invite you to sign in and offer your comments about self value.